Letting Go EGO- Sustaining Satisfaction

Why Do We Struggle with Ego? Understanding the Web of Self-Perception

Did you ever wonder—why are others mean to you? Why don’t they do as you say? Why is your boss so bossy? Why doesn’t your spouse understand you? Why don’t your children listen to you? Why does your wife or mother-in-law never seem satisfied with you?

Or have you ever noticed yourself:

• Behaving differently with different people?

• Seeking appreciation for a new watch or dress?

• Feeling upset when a friend likes someone else’s profile picture on Facebook but not yours?

• Trying to end every heated conversation with your remarks?

At times, we work hard to prove ourselves right or superior, and such an accomplishment gives us a sense of achievement. In other words, we feel satisfied or victorious when our self-made image of ourselves gets approval from others. Simply put, our ego gets satiated.

Understanding Ego

The dictionary defines ego as a person’s sense or perception of self-esteem. More precisely, it is one’s attachment to a false self-image. This false image could be created based on our identity or possessions, including:

• Material things: Body, relationships, house, car, money, etc.

• Intangible aspects: Knowledge, skills, work, opinion, belief system, respect, status, personality traits, etc.

As attachment to this false image deepens, our feelings are shaped by our perception, which further strengthens the attachment. Soon, our entire world seems to revolve around this experience. However, others are also living in their own self-created worlds, shaped by their perceptions. When their perception clashes with ours, it leads to ego conflicts until one person changes their perspective—something that is not easy to do.

How Ego Works in Relationships

Each of us has our own perception of self. Let’s take an example of a young couple about to get married.

1. Before meeting each other: Their perception is, “I am a stranger to him/her.”

2. As they get to know each other: They develop a friendship and a new perception, “I am a friend to him/her.”

3. Expectations arise: Along with understanding, expectations grow. If understanding increases, expectations decrease—and vice versa.

4. Marriage creates a new identity: “I am a husband/wife.” This role deepens their perception of self.

5. Clashes emerge: The closer the relationship, the more rigid their expectations become. They start demanding behavior in accordance with their roles.

Conflicts arise not because of what someone does but because of how we perceive them. The small but powerful word “I” carries various aspects:

• “I am Jane.”

• “I am his son.”

• “I am 8 years old.”

• “I am a Hindu.”

• “I am an American.”

• “I am the Manager of this organization.”

If any aspect of this “I” is ignored—by ourselves or others—we feel dissatisfied. This dissatisfaction fuels our ego, making true contentment seem impossible.

Breaking Free from the Ego Web

A person caught in the web of false identity can only feel content under three conditions:

1. When There is No Web at All

We enter the world alone, and we leave the world alone. However, once we are here, it is impossible to remain aloof from roles, relationships, and responsibilities. Life is about expressing ourselves through these roles. So, detachment from identity is not a practical solution.

2. When All Aspects of “I” Are Satisfied

Many of us spend our lives feeding our ego by fulfilling different aspects of our identity. However, this is an endless chase—as soon as one role is satisfied, a new one emerges, creating a never-ending cycle of ego-driven pursuits.

3. When We Know the Way Out of the Web—By Letting Go of Ego

Ego arises when we connect ourselves to a false identity. Others do not always see us through the same false image we create, which leads to perception gaps and ego clashes.

The only way to eliminate ego is by filling this gap—seeing things and people as they truly are, instead of how we perceive them. False images are endless, but the truth is universal.

Understanding the “True Self”

We often hear people say: “Just be yourself. Be natural.” But who is this “self”?

Everything we call “mine”—whether material possessions, habits, or personality traits—is an acquisition, shaped by past actions or conscious choices. For example:

• Our relationship with parents is a result of past karmic accounts.

• Our fears, doubts, and anger were created through repeated actions.

Although we become what we choose, we are not our choices. We can change our choices at any moment.

Thus, instead of identifying with roles, possessions, and achievements, we must recognize our true identity as spiritual beings (souls), which are inherently pure, peaceful, and loving.

Detaching from Ego While Living in the World

By attaching to our true identity, we can remain detached from ego while fulfilling our roles:

• We take care of ourselves, our families, and responsibilities.

• We fulfill our duties without being controlled by them.

• We do not let roles define our worth.

This shift from “role-conscious” to “soul-conscious” living can be achieved through consistent awareness and practice.

How Ego-Free Living Transforms Relationships

When we shift from multiple ego states to a natural, egoless, spiritual state, we experience:

• Lower expectations from others.

• Stronger soul-to-soul connections rather than role-based relationships.

• Greater acceptance and reduced conflicts.

• Contentment with ourselves and satisfaction with others.

• Humility, which is valued by all.

• Self-respect based on inner qualities rather than external achievements.

Rajyoga Meditation is a powerful tool for practicing this soul-conscious living while playing our roles in the world.

Final Thoughts

When we stop clinging to temporary supports (ego-driven identities), we establish our identity on an eternal foundation. By understanding our true self, we can recognize the same in others, leading to deeper relationships, self-satisfaction, and lasting peace.

Instead of feeding the false self, let us nourish the real self—the one that is beyond ego, free, and at peace.