Managing Tough Relations

‘However hard I try, I can never keep them happy’ – Have you ever faced such situations in your relations?

Do you meet people who tend to consume most of your energy? You are left drained after they are gone.

Have you wondered why it happens? The principle stands tall – you cannot receive negative unless you give negative.

Law of karma

There is a famous saying – ‘What goes around, Comes around’.

You keep receiving good or bad all day long from people, situations and circumstances. As a result, you tend to think that they are responsible for all the good or bad that you receive. This outlook creates stress, discomfort, tiredness and sometimes hopelessness.

The fact is completely the opposite. Whatever you receive from outside, be it from a person or a situation, is a return of energy you had sent in the past. This energy which you had sent might have been at a physical or thought level. You could have sent this energy recently or distant past or even in your past births

Once you know that this is a return of your own energy, the next step is what to do about it now? Do you keep running away from it? The more you run away from it, the more it increases. Wherever you go or whatever you do, it follows you. This is because your lives are governed by your karmic accounts and it cannot be escaped.

Once you accept that this is your own creation and choose to fix it, half the problem is solved. You need to change your creation. Tell yourself that you don’t have to think about the person or situation. You just have to focus on your inner self and remain positive. By focusing on the inner positive self you can change the negative thoughts to peaceful and calm thoughts. This generates positive energy. The law is – where your energy flows that grows. If the flow of energy is positive, then positivity grows.

Whose fault is it?

Often you get stuck in analysing whose fault it is. You may feel that the other person is 99% wrong and you are 1% wrong. So, they need to change. But their 99% correction will start only after you change your 1%.

Silent treatment

Many times you try to avoid or cut off these relations altogether. Even then these relations consume mental and physical energies. The more you try to avoid them, the more negative energy is created. There is a subtle guilt within, of not being able to harmonize the relation. At the same time there is a repulsion due to associated negativity. This happens when the karmic account between two individuals are quite negative. The work around is not by cutting them off but by settling the karmic energy.

Forcing others to change

May a times you are not able to understand the reason behind the bad behaviour and so you do not want to tolerate it. You force others to change. This force actually increases the negativity. Instead focus on transforming your negative energy to positive energy. There is no other way but to invest positively in that person.

Having faith in others

The most positive investment anyone can make in a person is to have faith in them. When you face negativity from someone your minds start rejecting them. Look at your own lives. Do you go through situations where you want to do positive things but are not able to do them? Most of the times even others also do not want to do react negatively. But as their state of mind is not good and are powerless they are not able to do positive things. To encourage others to do positive things you have to nourish them with faith and positive energy. Ignore the negative coming out of them. Once their minds are positive enough, they will start doing positive things. This is the best you can do for anyone.

Don’t react

You tend to react in difficult relations. This makes situations volatile and the relations take a hit. You react when you are not happy or satisfied. If you realize that dissatisfaction is temporary and tolerate the situation it will actually pay off in the long run. People will be ashamed of their behaviour when you choose to remain calm.

Handling constant criticism

When relations are tough one thing that you need to face is constant criticism. Criticism from the tough relations, from relatives, from friends and sometimes from the self. You tend to shy away, reject or avoid such people.

The best thing to do in such a situation is to overcome ego and talk to the person who criticized you with an open mind. There are two possibilities. First one is that the person might have said something negative due to a wrong impression or an unknown circumstance. If the person would have realized it they would be feeling guilty. Your positive talk and welcoming ambiance will help the person overcome the guilt and accept their mistake. This repairs the relation. Second condition is when you actually made some mistake knowingly or unknowingly. This conversation helps you understand and fix it. If you accept your flaws and try to fix them you enhance your personality.

If you feel that after your repeated trials the person has not changed, do not stop remaining positive. Talk to your well-wishers and ask for their inputs and work on it. If things still don’t work out accept that this is some strong karmic account and remain positive.

What if I am criticizing myself? The solution remains the same. Treat your inner voice as a second person, and talk to it very lovingly. Don’t indulge in rough talking, forcefully not thinking and deceptive self-talk. This will only increase the problem. You can stay away from people but not from your inner conscience. Listen to it lovingly. Note down all that your inner self tells you. Then make sincere efforts to solve them. Have a very healthy conversation with the self-everyday. Tell yourself what are your plans and what are you doing about it. Once you learn to remain honest and positive with yourself your inner conscience becomes your best friend and mentor. It keeps guiding you through your tough times.


Many people become difficult, because they have lost faith in humanity and kindness. They have lost hope in truth. They feel that they need to be cunning and dishonest to survive. The strength of truth and honesty needs to be reinstated in such people. This requires patience. You need to constantly shower love and kindness to them.

While being kind to others you make two common mistakes. First is kindness only in your actions but not in your thoughts. Check if you realize and empathize with them? If kindness is just in your words and actions it will not last long. Kindness has to be at your thought level also. Second is you stop making efforts after a few trials. When you try few times people may think it is temporary. So they stick to their ways. Most people stop trying at this time. You need to try till they are convinced that you are genuine and this will bring permanent change in them.

Finally it is all karma and the only way to go about it is to settle it happily. For this loving the self and giving love is important.