How to Deal with Dilemmas

Do you ever struggle with either/or decisions? I’m talking about things like: ‘Do I enrol in that course or the other one?’; ‘Do I stay in this relationship or leave?’; ‘Do I quit this job or do I stay?’; ‘Do I want to live here or there?’; Do I buy this one or the other one?’; ‘Do I have the operation or not?’; ‘Do I stay in my current role or do I risk making a change?’ Every person may encounter such types of dilemmas in almost every aspect of their life, including personal, social, and professional.

Either/Or Decisions

Sometimes we have multiple choices in our life too and our decisions will decide our future and happiness. When we’re dealing with these dilemmas, it can take days, weeks, months or even years in some cases, such as unhappy marriages or unsatisfactory jobs, before we finally choose one alternative over the other. And, for the meantime, we easily spend our days wandering in a thick psychological fog endlessly pondering: ‘Should I or Shouldn’t I?’ And, in the process, we make ourselves worried or stressed. If there’s one thing that sucks away the joy of life, it’s spending our days trying to solve some difficult dilemmas. We all have had to struggle with really hard decisions and tough choices at times. 

A dilemma is a complicated situation in which we have to choose between two or more alternatives. Sant Kabir has rightly said: duvidha mein donon gaee, maaya milee na raam (standing between two stools, one falls to the ground) which means that an indecisive person receives nothing.

Overcoming Confusion

Decisions are the hardest thing to make. We are not alone who are confused in making decisions. This is the greatest problem of the present life. When we’re faced with an either/or dilemma, we can search for the third way or we can choose the best of both or one of the best. 

Making the decisions right!

We can follow the following 10 techniques to develop clarity in our thoughts and avoid confusion while decision making.

1. Don’t get afraid from taking decisions:
   

   “Sir, what is the secret of your success?” a reporter asked a business tycoon. “Two words.” “And, sir, what are they?” “Good decisions.”

   “And how do you make good decisions?” “One word.” “And sir, what is that?” “Experience.” 

   “And how do you get Experience?” “Two words.” “And, sir, what are they?” “Bad decisions.”

2. Improve your self-confidence: Confusion in making decisions often has a low confidence at its base. Self-confident people handle change more easily. This helps them avoid procrastination and helps to build confidence in their decision-making ability. High self-esteem gives them a positive view of themselves, and their sense of self-efficacy gives them a belief that they can attain what they want to achieve. You can work to remove limiting thoughts from your way of thinking. As you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll find yourself more self-confident. So work on boosting your self-confidence and that will surely help.
3. Listen to your heart: At the time of confusion you should always listen to your heart! Often it is the only thing which can help! Listening to your heart makes you feel more fulfilled and happy, rather than constantly following your head. Let your heart speak and mind holds its hands. A balance of head and heart is essential in making better decisions. You must resist the decisions which give you instant pleasure because such decisions usually harm your long term goals. Dispose of all options which promise a shortcut to success. These options are like fast foods which provide you instant hope but rarely realised in life.
4. Affirm your abilities frequently: Try to recall instances when you have done well. Give yourself a pat in the back for even the smallest decision that you make. The fact that you have ever done well is proof that you are capable of producing the same in the future. Also find out what you are good at and do more of these activities. It is significant that you spend time nurturing and encouraging yourself. When you do this over and over again, you can prepare yourself to make big decisions in time.
5. Evaluate all the pros and cons: Similarly, get back to the most common and still effective decision-making technique of all – a pros and cons list. Get all the facts about the issue and analyse the situation carefully. It is better to take a paper, start writing pros and cons of everything, or do that in your mind. After evaluating all the positive and negative aspects of the dilemma, see what’s better? What’s less loss-making? Choose the option that provides the better or the less evil. Choose one alternative and let go of one option, make a choice, respect it as it’s your decision, and stand by it. This will help you in deciding what’s better, choosing one over the other.
6. Don’t over-analyse every detail: Sometimes we confuse ourselves, over-analyse every detail, and consider every eventual result to the nth degree. The outcome…we spend too much time thinking about the decision instead of taking action! So don’t give yourself analysis paralysis. Analysis paralysis is the state of over thinking. We should not spend too much time thinking about every little detail, including worrying about all the little things that could go wrong.
7. Make a list of your priorities: Make a list of your priorities in life, like your health, career, family, goals etc. And see how the decision you are about to make is affecting them. This will give a better clarity. You have to understand that you can’t have everything in your life. To get something in life you have to sacrifice something.
8. Seek advice from your well-wishers: When you don’t understand anything, talk to someone who can give you proper advice. He can be your teacher, parent, wife, friend, brother or any relation. You can make your decision after taking their advice. But do not take decisions under anyone’s pressure. If your mind accepts that decision, only then should you take such a decision. Don’t do something because everyone is doing it. What suits others may not suit you.
9. Upgrade yourself: Of course, if you find yourself lacking in knowledge and skills to make the right decisions, consider upgrading and improving yourself. Education does not stop when formal school ends. Instead, it is a lifelong process. Hence choose what you need to learn in order to make better decisions in your field.
10. Keep the mind cool and calm: Whenever there is a situation of dilemma, first of all calm the mind. Failure to remain calm can lead to hasty decisions that can have negative impacts. If there is silence in the mind, the mind is able to discriminate things and persons properly and make appropriate decisions.
    If you are able to silence your thoughts at that time, stay absolutely calm and surrender the situation, your mind, and your thoughts to the Supreme, there will always be better decisions. In silence just ask yourself one question – Will God become happy with this decision? Is this what He wants from me? This will give you a lot of energy to make the right decision.
    Practice of Rajyoga meditation taught by Brahma Kumaris is very helpful to eliminate negative and waste from our mind which in turn gives us the power to make right decisions and also to make our decisions right.